My inner masochist requires that I watch the 10:00 news on Channel 19, which is Cincinnati's FOX affiliate. It's all there: the bad makeup; the frosted hair; the deep-voiced anchorman who likes to plug his "take no prisoners blog"; the C-list, ESPN-imitating sports guy; the wacky weatherman -- excuse me, meteorologist; the fake jocularity. You name the cliche, they have it.
At the moment, they're splitting the newscast into two hard-hitting, breaking stories. First, it's the live coverage at an airport not too far from my house, where Sen. Maverick's "Straight Talk Express" jet has just landed. The doors are opening! People are moving around inside! Is she with him? Oh my god, is she with him?!
No? Okay, next story -- cut to a live shot of a reporter standing in front of a salt pile. Will there be enough salt for the roads when we get an inch of snow in January? Well, will there? Jesus fucking christ, just tell me, will there be enough salt or will there be disaster?!
There will be? Oh, thank you, thank you! I prayed to Jesus and told him I'd vote for Sarah Palin and that old guy she's running with, if he'd just make sure we would enough precious, precious salt this winter. You can count on me, you spunky little bear cub-shooting hockey mom!
Monday, September 8, 2008
I Smell a Pulitzer.
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4 comments:
That last paragraph will be cut-and-pasted across the internet.
And, since you're more of a glutton for punishment than me, have you been to the take no prisoners blog?
Jack Atherton is definitely a pull-no-punches kinda guy, but FOX 19's website is a total mess and I can't bear to scroll through the ads just to try to find his blog, tough as that blog may be.
I’ve been having a reoccurring dream.
The lights are low in what appears to be a cabin. I see Sarah Palin writhing around on a bearskin rug caressing a hockey stick. She’s wearing nothing but mismatched tube socks and a smile as big as all outdoors. She beckons me closer- “Come to me.” There is a fire behind her- it is slowly dieing out but the embers are aching to be fueled. I toss another copy of “Catcher in the Rye” on the fire and go to her.
oh my, that last comment was hysterical!
I wanna be an ex-pat. I can't take it here anymore. Why is everyone going crazy??
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