I wish I could say I’m one of those people who have kept a diary or journal all their lives, but I can’t. Instead, what I am is one of those people who have talked about keeping a diary or journal all their lives, but have found it much more convenient just to watch television. As a result, although I possess a near-encyclopedic knowledge of old episodes of Late Night with David Letterman and Homicide: Life on the Street, I have no archive of my own writing that I can mine for ideas when I’m running low. I’m not yet ready to plagiarize from someone else (although that day may come) but I’d happily steal from myself right now.
What I’d like is for you to ask me some questions. I’ll answer them in the comments and maybe I’ll find some inspiration. I realize my readership is limited – I think of this as a boutique blog – so send some of your readers over here.
Yes, I am begging for ideas.
In return, allow me to present you with a list of words and phrases that annoy me. Because I’m a man of many pet peeves, this is only a partial accounting.
- That’s what I’m talking about! and its less confident cousin, I’m just sayin’. I think these phrases have urban roots and probably sounded pretty hip when they were fresh. Now that fat, suburban, white guys like me use them as we grill sausages on the back deck, they’re insufferably lame.
- You go, girl! and Don’t go there! Again, stale. White, suburban mothers are saying these things to one another as they drop their kids off at school. Both phrases should be outlawed.
- Think outside the box. For a while, I thought this silly bit of corporate-speak had faded from serious usage, and people now only used it ironically. Wrong! And it’s still stupid.
- If you will. My observation is that people pepper their speech with this phrase when they want to sound intelligent, as if they’ve just come up with a new way of expressing a certain idea. I’ve also observed that the more a person uses it, the less likely he is to have anything to say. It’s very much like how President Bush says something incredibly simplistic, then follows up with, “In other words . . .” and proceeds to say the exact same thing all over again. I believe that’s called “putting lipstick on a pig.”
- Access as a verb, as in, “How do I access the porn on my hard drive?” I realize the battle over this has long since been lost to the “it doesn’t matter how you say something as long as people know what you mean” forces. It’s even in the dictionary now, acceptable as a verb. Nevertheless, it irritates me immensely. What was so difficult about, “How do I get access to the porn on my hard drive”?
- Webinar. This one just fills me with rage.
would think outside the box.
14 comments:
Okay, I just came here to read - that was a lot of unexpected pressure.
I've only had one coffee for pete's sake.
Let me think on this.
Oh, and so what if you never kept a journal? You sign on, you peck out a few words. Some days it will say "Nothing to say." Some days it will be lengthy and angsty. Some days it might be insightful and funny - the thing is to put something there and get in the habit of writing.
I signed up for blog365 which is terrifying as we're only halfway through January and I've nearly missed a few days , realizing in the nick of time that I need to sit and say something, ANYTHING, or suffer the consequences.
Okay, there aren't really supposed to be consequences, but you never know.
A question for you, a question for you... What's for dinner? What was your favorite book as a kid? What are you most looking forward to seeing in Paris, apart from M&K?
And when will you be there?
Mighty Mouse, or Mickey Mouse? if you had to choose?
Who do you miss most - and where are they?
What dorm did you live in in Ann Arbor - and what was your favorite story about living there?
I'd like to hear about the time your good buddy thwarted an attack against you, him and your wife, Red, on the mean streets of Chicago.
As the attacker came lunged for you, your good friend busted out with some ninja shit and flipped the evil man. FLIPPED him like a pancake. I believe Red began to kick him even before he hit the ground. My question: What were you doing while this was going on?
I'm going to like this series- it should be weekly thing
"Grow" as in "I intend to grow the company this quarter." You grow grass, not businesses.
I'm on the "access" bandwagon. English has an odd love/hate relationship with "helping" verbs. People used to say something was "building," meaning that it was being built. Hence the very real joke from the 19th century:
Old Man to girl: Are houses building in your village?
Girl: No, but men are building them!
I'll now pause to let you laugh for hours on end.
Karyn -
1. Dinner was an Asian pasta thing with sesame oil and vegetables. Very good but I'm still hungry.
2. When I was a child, my favorite book was From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. I still harbor daydreams of running away from home and living secretly at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
3. We're going to Paris for a week in early February. I think what I'm looking forward to most is just walking around the city.
Kate -
1. Mighty Mouse, of course.
2. You know what, the person I miss most was just here in the room with me. I miss my son as a 3-year-old. He's 12 now, he's a great kid, and I'm sure when he's, 16 I'll miss the 12-year-old version. Over the weekend I was at a nearby bookstore where, at 3, he'd want to stay for hours just playing with Thomas the Tank Engine trains. Even my youngest child, who's only 6, is past that stage. I saw the little kids there over the weekend and I missed all that. Weird, huh?
3. I can't remember the name of my first dorm in Ann Arbor. It was a co-op, way up at the end of S. University, near the the Aboretum. I moved from there to East Quad, the clove cigarette capital of the Midwest. During that period, I spent most of my time at the house my girlfriend shared with some of her friends. I realized much later that was really quite generous of her. I'd call her to say thanks if she were speaking to me.
Anyway, after that, I lived in apartments near Zingerman's. Downtown Ann Arbor was different back then - much less activity there then than now, but it felt undiscovered. I liked walking around there because there were no frat guys, no gaggles of sorority sisters, in fact very few undergrads.
I don't know if I have a really good story about my college days. I have some flashes of favorite memories, like getting a good reaction to my work in a playwriting class, or meeting my girlfriend and walking somewhere on a snowy day. Also, one morning I woke up fully dressed, my clothes caked in dried mud, with no recollection of how it happened. There's probably a story in there that I don't want to know, so maybe I'll make one up instead.
Misplaced,
Yes, my good buddy was a stone cold badass. Where was I? I was slipping into my Batsuit.
Mark,
Those 19th Century jokes killed, man.
webinar? God, I must be lame, no clue, but you go girl. I lost my lung laughing at your priceless list. So perfect. I kept a journal for half my life...I think I relived a lot of shit that my obsessive brain could do to let go of. Anyway, in the Diaristic (my new word) spirit:
What is a common theme that you have identified as running through the majority of your life, whether it be an interest, a flaw, an obstacle or pleasure?
Feel free to discard this with the morning coffee grounds.
good answers
Downtown Ann Arbor was different back then - much less activity there then than now, but it felt undiscovered. I liked walking around there because there were no frat guys, no gaggles of sorority sisters, in fact very few undergrads.
Hmmm, this is why I like you. I agree 100%. My favorite place was this corner coffee shop called "Sweet Water Cafe" on the corner of LIberty, and whatever the street west of Main St. was called. It was a hole in the wall, but had big high tables, and I could sit and highlight and read all day. And there were regulars...but mostly grad students, who i wished i was, and just locals, or people who worked in the shops downtown. I make it a point to go there every time i'm in Ann Arbor, though now its all flashy and Starbucksified. It used to be this own unique place. And it makes me sad whenever i go. shouldn't, but it does.
Very thought provoking questions, there, Dyna Girl. I admit, I've never made an effort to think about my life that way, to identify a common theme. Off the top of my head, I'd say all of those things -- interests, flaws, obstacles, pleasures, etc. -- are probably all bound together somehow. As I sit here, I can tell you, as I mentioned in my post, that I've always liked writing. At the same time, I've never really done anything about it, aside from taking various classes over the years and, now, keeping a blog. So there you have an interest and an obstacle. Sometimes I think the obstacle is a lack of motivation, but in the end I think it's a reluctance to take risks. Does that make sense?
You can just write in your journal the random stuff that flies through your head when you're driving your car. That's what I do -- plus you can misspell in a journal.
I suspected you had a thing for From the Mixed Up Files of...
Here's my question: In case of zombie pandemic, what would you do? How would you survive?
La Sirena, the first thing I'd probably do -- against my better judgment -- would be hook up with one of those zombie chicks. They're hot and dangerous. Plus, they're desperate.
Wow! That was a first.
I always ask people that question, because you'd be surprised what you can find out about a person from their answer to that question.
I'm kind of grossed out, but points for originality.
Misplaced had me spluttering my ice water all over my pyjamas here.
I can't believe you picked Mighty Mouse.
Can we at least see the batsuit?
I kept a journal/diary through a good part of my 20's. Now, everytime I'm in a plane I think, "I must remember to destroy those". Even I don't want to read them now. Although now, daily writing is something that appeals to me, but perhaps I'd write essays on topics, like you asked for, rather than the manic or depressed mutterings of my youth.
This post was funny. I'm just sayin'.
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